The Graveyard Shift
by Death Valley Reaper
Summary: Ellis and Nick work the night shift at a local store. Nick tells his friend, colleague, and former apocalypse teammate a horror story in order to scare the young man. But what happens when the nightmare he described starts to come true? Obvious parody of the SpongeBob episode, "Graveyard Shift", of which this story shares the title. Includes special cameos. Starring Ellis and Nick.


**I've always loved the SpongeBob episode, Graveyard Shift. I often see Ellis in the place of SpongeBob and Nick in the place of Squidward. So, I've decided to make this parody of the episode. This fic is what I teased back in Left 4 Disneyland: Lockdown. Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

It was the end of the day. Buy Something Before I Mug You, Also Has A Sh*tload Of Food, Brea's premiere daytime fast-food restaurant and convenience store, was closing for the day, right about…

"Now!" said Nick as he slammed the doors and switched the Open sign to Closed. "8:00! So long, suckers!" he yelled to the other workers as they packed their things and left the store/restaurant. Ellis however, was crying in a corner.

Both Nick and Ellis were working part-time jobs together at BSBIMYAHASOF. Until they had enough money to start their own businesses, this was where they worked at for the time being. Nick absolutely hated his part-time job. Ellis, on the other hand, loved it so much to the point of obsession.

A man showed up at the door and knocked on it. Nick groaned.

"What do you want?" he asked the man.

"You guys open?" the man asked.

Nick pointed to the sign.

"Read the sign." he said.

"Come on, man. I'm so hungry. And I wanna buy a couple of things as well." said the man.

"No! No, you will not!" said Nick. "I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life you know!"

The man frowned.

"Well fine, if you don't want my money!" he shouted.

"MONEY?!"

Ellis and Nick's boss, an incredibly cash-hungry man named Donnie, scampered towards Nick, who he knocked down in the process. He looked at the man outside.

"You're saying that if we stayed open later, you'd give us your dinero?" he asked.

At that moment, a crowd of people immediately gathered behind the man, excited.

"Yeah, sure!" said the man.

Donnie turned towards Nick and Ellis.

"Nick, Ellis, welcome to the night shift. Also known as "The Graveyard Shift". Or as I call it, "The Shift of Dead Men"." said Donnie as he tore up the sign. "From now on, BSBIMYAHASOF is open 24 hours a day!"

"WHAT!?" yelled Nick.

The crowd barged into the convenience store/restaurant, cheering. They immediately began grabbing things and food that they wanted.

"Wow!" said Ellis. "Now we never have to stop working! Man, I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park!"

Nick turned towards Donnie.

"Donnie…" he began.

"See you in the morning, guys." said Donnie. "I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!"

And with that, he left, skipping away merrily.

"Donnie!..."

Ellis popped up right behind Nick.

"Ain't this awesome, Nick? Just you an' me together for hours an' hours an' hours an' the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working!" said Ellis.

He gasped.

"It'll be just like a sleepover!" he said. "Only we'll be sweaty and covered in grimy shit from food!"

Then suddenly, he jumped on the cash register counter.

"You ready to rock 'n' roll, Nick?" he asked.

"No."

"Great! Cause we got customers!" said Ellis.

Nick sulked behind the counter. A customer approached. Then, Nick handed him a replica of Lucille, Negan's vampire baseball bat.

"Here. Hit me as hard as you can. That's an order." said Nick.

What was even worse about this situation was the fact that the kid wouldn't shut up about doing his job.

"Hey, Nick! I'm workin' in the kitchen…" he said.

Then, that stupid next line came.

"…at night!"

Nick took his cap off and leaned his head on the counter.

"Don't hold back." he said. "I'm gonna take it like a champ."

"Hey Nick! Guess what, I'm choppin' wieners…at night!"

Then, he cleaned the bathroom.

"Hey Nick, look at me! I'm cleanin' the bushes…at night!"

After that, he was back in the kitchen, handling a deep fryer. But then, he accidentally put his fingers on the hot stove. He screamed.

"AHHHHH! I BURNED MY FINGERS!"

Then, the obvious word came next.

"…at night!"

Worse still, he began singing to the tune of Charge.

"Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! NIGHT!"

Nick was about to explode.

"WILL YOU PLEASE?!" he yelled.

Then, he handed a trash bag to Ellis.

"Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!" he said.

"Alright!" said Ellis. He grabbed the bag from Nick and proceeded to walk towards the door.

"Takin' out the trash. Takin' out the trash…at night."

Suddenly, he stopped.

"You mean outside?" he asked Nick.

"Yeah. That's where the dumpster is." replied the former con man.

Ellis looked nervously out the window. It looked like a total blackout outside. And mist was starting to roll in, which was weird since they were in an urban area on a summer night.

"I dunno, man." he said. "It looks pretty dark out there."

"But I thought you LIKED the night shift." said Nick mockingly, with a smug smile.

Ellis continued to stare nervously, but then frowned.

"Yeah. You're right."

He picked up the bag.

"For the glory of BSB-blah-blah-blah!"

He opened the door.

"WWWWWWAAAAAAHGHGHAHHGHGHGH! WWAHAHAHAHAHHHHHG! YYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

He put the trash in the dumpster.

"WAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH! WHHAAYYYYAAAAAAAHHHH! YYAAAAYYYYYAAAAHHHHHGHHGHGHH!"

He leaned against the doors, panting heavily, Then, he casually calmed down and snapped his fingers.

"Piece of cake." he said.

Nick continued smiling nastily as Ellis walked up to the counter.

"So, you're NOT afraid?" he asked, mockingly.

Ellis snorted.

"Pfft. Nah." he replied.

A look of worry appeared on Nick's face.

"Well, I am." he said. "Especially after…"

He gulped.

"Well…you know."

That did it. That caught Ellis' attention. The latter spun around.

"Know what? What do I know?"

"You don't remember, Overalls? It was all over the news!"

"Tell me! Tell me!"

Nick just waved his hand.

"Nah, nah, nah. I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you."

He smiled slyly.

Ellis was shaking excitedly.

"What happened? What happened? What happened?"

Nick continued staring at him.

"You mean you've never heard the story of the…"

He thought for a moment.

"…"Skin-Cutting Slicer?"

Ellis stopped shaking.

"The Shin-Bleeding Crasher?"

"The Skin-Cutting Slicer." repeated Nick. Was that really fucking hard to say?

"The Lin-Singing (notice the reference?), the Gin-Drinking, Fin-Flapping, The Bell-Ringing, Singing, The Slash-Digging, daa."

"Yes, dumbfuck. The Skin-Cutting Slicer. Is it really that hard to pronounce?!" said Nick. "But most people just call him the SkinAAAAAAAHH, because that's all they have time to say before he gets them!"

Ellis gasped.

"Tell me the story!" he begged.

"Years ago, at this very place, waaaayyy before it was a restaurant and was still a regular store, the Skin-Cutting Slicer was a homeless man who used to be a frequent visitor. He stayed in front of the store every day. But the employees didn't like him and wished he would just go. And then, one night, when an employee insulted him and ordered him banned for life.…it finally happened."

"He left without giving a shit?" asked Ellis.

"No."

"He laughed."

"No!"

"They were just messin' with him?"

"NO! He grabbed a knife and sliced the employee's throat open."

"You mean like this?" asked Ellis.

He took out a knife and sliced his own throat open, much to Nick's shock. He collapsed on the floor, dead. But then, all of a sudden, Indiana Jones teleported out of nowhere. He walked over to Ellis, with the Holy Grail in his hand. He opened Ellis' mouth and poured the water into it, then poured the water again over Ellis' slash wound, which foamed, and then sealed. Ellis sat up, gasping for air.

"Thanks." he said to the legendary archaeologist.

"You can let yourself die on another day, kid. Maybe. But not today." replied Jones.

He then disappeared. Ellis and Nick stared in awe for a few moments, though the latter snapped back to reality seconds later.

"Anyway, except there was no method of returning the dead to life." said Nick. "So, no!"

"So what then?" asked Ellis.

"So the guy didn't come back!"

"OOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ellis.

"And bit by bit, the homeless man attacked nearby employees. And then, he ran off and got hit by a truck! And…at his funeral, the owner of the store and remaining employees banned him forever!"

Ellis looked horrified.

"So now, every…what day is it?"

"Thursday." replied Ellis.

"Thursday night, his ghost returns to this very place to wreak his horrible vengeance."

Ellis stopped shivering for the moment, and gasped.

"But tonight's Thursday night!"

"Then he'll be coming." said Nick.

"How will we know?"

"You remember the three signs from "Graveyard Shift", right? From SpongeBob?" said Nick.

"Yeah." said Ellis.

"Well, there are three signs that signal the approach of the Skin-Cutting Slicer, which are very similar, if not exactly the same, to the ones in the episode. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next…"

But then he was interrupted by a customer.

"Dude, can I have some sour cream?" he asked.

"Oh. Here you go." said Nick as he handed the customer a bottle of sour cream, who walked away a few moments later. Then, Nick continued talking.

"Next…"

He pointed to the nearby telephone.

"The phone will ring, and you will hear the sound of slow, but heavy breathing into the phone, before the line suddenly gets cut."

Ellis was biting his fingers.

"And finally…the Skin-Cutting Slicer appears after the ghost of the truck that ran over him passes by. And in his hand...is the knife he used to kill the employees."

Ellis was still biting his fingernails, but then began eating his arms. Well, actually, he was shoving cakes in the shape of arms into his mouth.

"Then, he starts walking through the gloomy darkness and crosses the street without looking both ways, because he's already dead!"

Ellis was shoving more hand-cake into his mouth like popcorn.

"Then, he taps on the window with his shiny, sharp knife…"

"No." said Ellis.

"He opens the door." continued Nick.

He pushed his hand to Ellis' face, making it seem like the latter was a door being opened. While doing that, Nick imitated the sound of a squeaky door opening.

"He slowly approaches the counter…and you know what he does next?"

"What?" asked Ellis.

"You really wanna know?"

"What?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

"What, what, what does he do?!"

Nick snuck up on Ellis and tapped him.

"He gets ya!"

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

Nick started laughing hysterically as Ellis screamed repeatedly. 20 seconds later, Nick stopped laughing, but Ellis was still screaming.

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

"Overalls…"

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

"Overalls, I wa…"

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

"I was ju…"

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

"I was jus..."

"AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH!"

"OVERALLS, I WAS JOKING!"

"What?"

"It's not true! None of it's true!"

"It's not?"

"Of course not. A bum never went on a psychotic rampage in this store. The former employees here never treated one like shit! It never fucking happened! It was all a joke!" said Nick with finality.

"Ohhhhh."

Ellis began to laugh repeatedly, much like he did screaming. Nick simply kept his head low in dismay.

* * *

Later in the night…

Nick was playing a game on his phone at the counter. By this time, all the other employees had gone home for the night, leaving only him and Ellis. The rest of the place was empty. He suddenly heard the sounds of plopping and swishing, and looked around. At first, he thought it was nothing, and continued playing. But then noises became louder, and he looked around, spooked.

Fortunately, it turned out to be only Ellis, who was cleaning every inch of the place.

Nick was still creeped out. Ellis then popped up behind him.

"Ain't this great, Nick?" he said.

Nick screamed and dropped his phone in shock.

"There ain't ever time to completely wipe this place clean during the day."

Nick began talking to himself.

"Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who'd wanna come here at three in the morning?"

* * *

Marcus and Skylar were sleeping together in bed. All of a sudden, the door opened, revealing Francis standing there, wearing nothing but boxers and a tank top.

The two sleeping teenagers awoke in surprise.

"Oh my God!" yelled Skylar, covering herself.

"What the fuck?!" yelled Marcus.

Francis simply walked into the room.

"You kids want early morning takeout from Buy Something Before I Mug You?" he asked.

"It's three in the morning!" said Marcus.

"I was just askin'!"

"I know, but can't you see we're in the buff here? And trying to sleep?" said Skylar. "And you just walk in like that? Did your mama teach you manners?"

"Blah blah blah, so do you want takeout or not?" said Francis.

"No! Get out!" shouted Marcus.

"Aw, come on. Are you sure?"

"Hey! Quit disturbing my daughter and her boyfriend!" shouted Skylar's father from the master bedroom. "We let you stay here for a while, and I'm sure as hell that you don't wanna get kicked out!"

The sound of the master bedroom door shutting was heard. Francis sighed.

"Never mind. I hate restaurants."

"It's also a convenience store, FYI." said Skylar.

"Those too."

* * *

Nick looked around him.

"Just look at this place! It's like a ghost town in here!"

All of a sudden, the lights began flickering on and off. Thinking it was Ellis playing a fool, Nick scoffed.

"Very funny, Overalls."

Ellis came over to him.

"What?"

""And the lights will flicker on and off." Just like the story. I get it."

Ellis continued to stare at him in confusion. Nick looked over at the light switch. It was at that moment when he realized that no one was flickering the light switch. He was then overcome with shock.

"Hey, Nick." said Ellis. "How're you doin' that without moving the switch?"

"I'm not doing it. It's probably the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day!" said Nick.

The phone rang. He picked it up.

"What, what, hello?"

All he heard was heavy breathing on the other side of the line.

"Hello? Hello?"

The line went dead.

Ellis walked up to the counter.

"Nice try, Nick." he said.

"Nice try, what?"

""The phone will ring, you will hear heavy breathing, and the line will get cut.""

He raised his eyebrows up and down, and he giggled.

"Oh, you crack me up."

Nick began to panic.

"Ellis, I'm not doing this!"

He hung up the phone.

"Oh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights."

The lights flickered again.

"And the phone."

The phone rang again.

"And the walls and ceiling will ooze a strange liquid!"

Sure enough, liquid began dripping down the ceiling and walls. Water…to be specific.

"No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing?"

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a motor. His eyes widened as he turned his head. A truck slowly drove by the front of the restaurant. Nick's face went pale.

"Man, I didn't know that trucks came out on the streets this late." said Ellis.

"They don't." said Nick.

As the truck drove out of sight, Nick and Ellis found themselves staring at something in the distance. Something outside the restaurant.

It was the figure of a hooded man.

His cold eyes stared at the two workers.

And in his hand…

…was a large hunting knife.

Nick began to scream, to the point where his eyelashes and hair grew and started wiggling.

"THE DOOR-SHUTTING, FOOT-LOCKING, THE SHIN-PULLING…

Ellis' eyes grew wide.

"The Skin-Cutting Slicer!"

He began to cry.

"At last you understand! We're doomed!" said Nick.

"No, that's not it." said Ellis.

He wiped away a tear.

"I'm just so touched that you'd go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly hobo and stand on the other side of the street just to entertain me! You must really like me!"

He began to cry again. The figure began walking slowly towards the restaurant.

"Overalls, there are two problems with your theory. Uno – I hate you. And dos – how the hell can that be me when I'm standing right here?!"

The stranger tapped the door with his knife.

Ellis began screaming to the point where his eyelashes and hair grew and started wiggling.

"THE SKIN-CUTTING SLICER!" they both screamed.

The guy opened the doors and slowly made his way towards the duo, who were shaking and holding onto each other.

"Overalls, before we die, I just wanna say…no matter what I've said, I've always sorta liked you!" said Nick.

"Nick, I used your suit to clean my shit-stained truck!" said Ellis.

"What?"

They continued screaming as the stranger approached them, but then he took off his hood, revealing him to be…

…Liam Neeson.

"I'm sorry to bother you."

"Liam Neeson?" asked Ellis and Nick, shocked.

"Yes. It's me. Always glad to meet a fan."

"Holy shit." said Ellis, shaking the actor's hand. "I-it's such an honor!"

Nick nodded.

"Likewise." replied Liam Neeson. "I just called earlier to return this knife. I assume you heard me breathing heavily into the phone, but that was because I was panting from a run. Unfortunately, the line got cut before I could speak."

"Oh ok." said Ellis.

"But wait a second, if that was you on the phone, and you standing in the darkness after the truck came by, then who was flickering the lights?" said Nick.

The lights flickered again. The trio all looked towards the source. And that's when they saw him.

Joe Biden was standing by the light switch, flicking it, and holding a soft serve ice cream in his hand.

"Ah man, you caught me." he said.

"Joooeeeeeey!" said Ellis, Nick, and Neeson at the same time, shaking their heads.

The former Vice President just smiled mischievously, and turned off the lights.

* * *

 **Well, that's about it for now. Hope y'all liked this parody. Reviews are very much appreciated. - DVR**


End file.
